✨️The constant loop ✨️

The constant loop is about my realization that no matter how much care I love, you have its time to let go.

The moment when you have a realization and you just know it’s time to let him go.

I have spent the last two years rebuilding my life and making a life that I’m happy and content with, I had to really take some accountability and had to handle some hard truths and face some pretty hectic demons.

My health took a turn for the worst and living life with something not quite right in the neurology area, some tough days, some serious conversations, and more lifestyle changes.

The one thing that has me more confused and in constant battle with emotions, what ifs, the constant trying not to give up, the constant fear of asking your self why can this man not give me anything. You never compare to others, I’m always in constantl loop of I don’t even get that, constant loop of questioning myself, constant loop of questioning things.

Been with a man that is constant battle with himself, addictions and guess what I’m still here hoping, hanging on and thinking everything you get a glimmer of something and you have a bit of hope, it’s slowly fades and everything is back on that constant loop.

He has a journey he needs to do, and that means I need to let go, in 6mths it’s been self sabotage, loss of job, same habits, same excuses, same insults. Hearing that moving here was a mistake, I don’t like my job, I don’t like living here, I need to work on me, I need to move out because and it’s case of I need to get over and just sit hear and wait and left in constant loop again.

After leaving domestic violence and making the turning point in my life to go on a self-discovery journey and find growth within myself, learning self-worth, and most importantly, how I should be treated. All I have wanted is a guy to fight for me and just love me. Instead, in the midst of some scary health crap it’s the complete opposite.

Learning to let go because you just know that you are exhausted, tired of fighting, tired of trying to get any attention, tired of going to bed as a friend, the connection is fading, the truth is been about June since the last intimate moment, the conversations are turning cold and your more friend zoned then ever.

Everything I have learned and all the growth in the last two years, it’s time to use it and start living and not living in a constant loop. I don’t know what’s going to happen, i know this much I won’t let another guy continue to trigger me, not give me love and leave me wondering where I stand.



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