A Moment in time

Time is precious

As a little girl my daddy was a huge part of my life well at least the first five years. I remember been at school and then the people arrived and un be known to the 5 year old me that this would be the last time i seen my daddy. Family is not always as what you know it, some famlies have secrets, lies and things you could never explain or understand. I knew what disfunctional was at young age. Would i ever see my dad again and things he was accused of would the truth ever come out. I always thought of my dad, wonder what sort of person he was and did i get my looks or personality from him. The years passed by and i only had adddress from him and save the arguments i carried on with life and was raised by others, not once did i forget i had dad out there and one day i would meet him.

RIP 2020

I met my dad when i was 19 and i was preganant with my first daughter, it was never going to be easy and this relationship needed trust and complete honesty and questions needed to be answered. My dad was a sad man and had battled with depression and always thought he find the answers at the bottom of bottle, i had a beautiful step mum to get know as well. Over the years it was constant battle to keep in touch and ensure he got to know his grandchildren as years passed he was blessed with three and became a great granddad.

You always be my dad

My dad become estranged after my step mum passed away, my dad was already broken man but the death of his soulmate just pushed him to the edge. My dad has lived in the same place i was taken away from and where his wife passed so to turn up and find his house empty my gut just knew this was not good. I learnt my dad had passed away to prostate cancer in August and i only just found out. Its a surreal feeling and so many unanswered questions, knowing my dad went through this alone and didnt think to contact me was a huge blow, my emotions are all the place as i feel i was ripped off from having a relationship with him.

Make connections and time

No matter the sitution or the disfunction you may have in your family, try to make mends and most of all take the time to connect with those that may be estranged from you. Life is short and time does not stop and once someone passes you will be left with a hole in your heart and many unanswered questions and for me im left grieving in odd way. As always i reflect on this and it has made more dertimine to connect or strengthin the relationships i have already.



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