On my healing journey I have found myself opening the doors to the past and trust me there is a reason you leave things in the past as they say. In my own thoughts and crazy thinking sometimes we have to open these doors, because sometimes there are things that have never been sorted, it was easier not to deal with, it was to horrible to want to remember.
What ever the reason is and every one is different, I’m glad I have finally got the strength and sense of I actually need to deal with this to move on in my life and get a sense of peace.
I’m the girl that was not ever wanted, I was brought into the world by someone who never wanted me it’s that simple. I’m not afraid to say it anymore, as I heal the more doors that open and I deal with things, I go through the emotions, I allow my self to feel, I allow my self to cry, I allow my self to be angry, but most importantly it don’t own me anymore and as the days pass I’m letting the yuck go.
I read the below quote and resonates with me why I’m the black sheep and I see so much crap, lies,deceit,hurt, manipulation, anger, mind games it leaves me disgusted and somewhat shamed for having a family like this.
I have self taught my self most things and only ever had my self, life has not been easy to me, I had some amazing people that have given me advice, support, treating me like I’m part of their family it’s these people that have helped me create my own values, beliefs and how I see the world I have learnt no matter my achievements, the wins I’m still that little girl that was never was wanted, family thar still continue to treat me like an outsider.