Open letter to my son, I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you it was definitely a dark time in my life and I was not expecting you but I’m glad you chose me to be your mum without you realising it saved my life and gave me the strength and the motivation to do better, I never wanted you to experience what your sisters had to go through.

You had a great life regardless of what you think,the places your been to, experiences and memories made. You may not have a dad around but I did both roles the best that I could,you had some amazing people to support you through your life. I will never say I was a perfect mum and I know there has been some challenges and tough times. But you have a great life and never had to experience what your sisters did, I sheltered you and held on to you tightly to protect you from things.

I made the decision to move to another location and there were many reasons why I made the decision to move to the manawatu, the biggest reason was to grow as a person and give us better opportunities and better schooling for you and your sister. Unfortunately things didn’t go as planned and that came down to my choice of a partner and I will forever own that and reflect on that.

The moment you started high school you changed and before I realized it you had absorbed a type of behavior and the way he treated me, even thou I tried my best to shelter you from it and protect you and ensured we had our home it didn’t make a difference.

Your behavior was causing issues with you at school, your relationship with your sisters and the people around you and most of all me your mum. It didn’t matter what I did it was never good enough for you, your words cut deep and you knew how to make me feel like shit. I want you to stop and realize I’m chronically ill and spent four years been abused emotionally and the effects of psychology abuse, things your not seen but I went thru, been run off road,to been left on the side of the road the list is endless. The physical abuse I went through, the feeling of been isolated from everyone.

I made the decision to send you to Masterson a decision I knew would leave me trapped I had ran out of options, support was limited so instead of you getting into more trouble and getting a record with truancy etc I sent you away, every week I paid money to ensure you were ok, just put up with more crap to keep you happy. Even after my assault I was struggling and living in different houses and each place hated your attitude and constant laziness and the way you treated me.

Becoming homeless, beyond broken and lucky to see another year, the right thing to do was come back to the bay and reconnect with people and have much needed support not only for me but for you as well. Watching linky grow up was so important to me and having a fresh start a place where I can heal and rebuild. I know your finding it hard and refuse to accept help and any responsibility for your behaviour and the abuse yes son it’s abuse.

Son I love you but I don’t love your behaviour, my door will always be home, I’ll continue to support you where needed. I deserve better and I’m over been treated like this enough is enough.

You have a wee boy who looks up to his uncle and that should be enough for you to stop and take a good hard look at your self and most importantly teaching that wee boy how you should treat women let alone any person, teaching home values,life skills and respect.

It’s time to stop and ask your self what sort of man do I want to be ??

You have been thru stuff I get it ,you may not like the living situation or been here. It’s time to stop been bitter and angry and starting living, creating the life you want.