Trauma is survivable

Beautifully Broken 

Impact of Trauma

"Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence." - Peter A. Levine

Trauma is a response to an event like rape, accident or a natrual disaster. A person after an event like this experiences shock and denial. The long term effects are triggers, unpreditable emotions, flashbacks, physical symptoms like headaches etc. Trauma has three main types Acute, Chronic and Complex, Acute is a result of a single incident, Chronic pain is repeated and prolonged and complex is exposure to multiple traumatic events. Trauma can leave a lasting effect on a person, counsling, medication and learning your triggers can help ease or make life a little easier. 

Post traumatic stress disorder-PTSD is a disorder  when you cant recover after a event  either experiencing it or witnessing it, the condition can last months or years, with triggers  or memories of the trauma, gives you an intense emotional and physical reaction.

My trauma started when i was child and i had no idea that was even a thing nor did i understand the chaos i lived in and understand that effects of not having a mum around and many dads would have effect on me in my adult life and how i look relationships and be a mum. I have always wanted to be the complete opposite to what my mother was, in everything i do, i have struggle to be a mum, a partner and most of all choosing my life partners. You have idea in your head as a child mum, dad, marriage, children is what you want when you grow up. By having this image in my head and moving through life i had nothing but issues in my relationships and been a mum so what i thought was not what i got. Instead i had heart ache, struggles, pain, sucidal thoughts, lost and guilt. Over the years i couldnt explain how i was feeling and how much i felt like i had failed in all things in life. I have spent 14 years of my life in some sort of domestic violence sitution, i have been left with no confidence, scared of things, emotions all over the place, bitter, angry and the cycle would start again with the next guy. I have lost so much but i have also gained so much weather it was strength, fails.Rewind to 2022 in seeing shrink and the journey is amazing and the feeling of healing is a great thing. I have along way to go and i no their be bumps along the way i no one thing im worthy of happiness and i deserve the best in life.

If you are going through your own trauma or suffering PTSD like me, you can have a great life and dont ever think other. I finally have help and have a better understanding of what is going on with me now and have more of open mind and better clarity that i never asked for any of this i was a victim and its up to me to create and change my life and better myself and my life. I have been on raod of healing and i never wanted to allow another man in my life, been chroniclly ill alreadys limits my time and energy and im over my heart been broken into more peices, Over a month ago after i had been observing someone and their was something i was drawn to and i couldnt explain it, i decided to message him, fast foward a month he has become the most important part of my life apart from kiddies, grandson he had a way with words, and i could sense a gentle heart and im glad i had the balls to message him he is a amazing man and he is slowly putting my heart back together and he become a huge part of my life and one that i have many images of what our future looks like.

So my message to every one is no matter what your trauma is dont let define you, be like the butterfly and raise from the cocoon and spread your wings  and live your best life.

 

"Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation." - Cherrie Moraga

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