I feel like i have been in the movie The Wizard of Oz instead my house landed in hell, its been the tough few weeks and i have to find every bit of postitive and motivation to keep my routine up, my body has been fighting me every part of me.

Rewind to two weeks ago and this is brutal and honest so be prepared for shock, laughter im not hiding nothing, i had some pain in the lady department and to be fair it felt like my vagina was broke and left me puzzled and then it led to the conversation with the man and he like im sure its not, told me a few things and thought well fuck ill make appt with the dr go get to the bottom of this, i noticed some weird pain coming from the tummy didnt pay much attention to as my body is always on a malfunction after days of been on the loo and christ going through loo paper like any thing, the pain was getting worst and the bleeding had started i honestly think im going to die the pain is awful.

The dr appointment went well in a long time i was heard and listened to and taking serious, bloods, samples and just wait for the results but the dr quite certian i have some infalmation and high chance of bowel disease so it was not shock it was more relief as i have been sick for so long its become my normal, so im been refered back to gastro and at the moment my inflamation markers are high.

I shared this for a few reasons because i bet some of you going through similar thing and not only is effecting me, this effects my relationship again how many can relate to that??? Its one insecure thing i have as my first relationship one i share two of my kids with he was a cheater and hurt me in so many ways and it was odd because it dawned me on i cant have intimancy at this stage and then that flash back jumped into my head, which left me doubting my current relationship, seriously dumb i know, but its just one of those moments as i have been here before and i guess i kinda had freak out moment but it also had a wee postitve reflect moment, on how lucky i am this amazing human im with is so supportive and how much i appreciate the things he does for me.

No matter how bad things are for me at the moment im still find the postitive in everything, life is ment to be lived………

This is what filled my feel good Jar

My feel good jar been filled and even thou im in alot of pain im blessed and fill with happiness….

And i listen to alot of music and more so when im having moment of reflection and refocusing and two songs that are brand spanking new and i have listened to these with my eyes closed and listened to the lyrics and both these songs have moment of your own experiences and you can relate im sharing both these songs and i wonder if you could relate your self???

Haven’t always been this way

I was born a renegade

I felt alone, still feel afraid

I stumble through it anyway

I wish someone would have told me that

this life is ours to choose

No one’s sending you the the rules

The little that I know I’ll tell to you

When they dress you up in lies and you’re

left naked with the truth

The Burden of Belief

Burden of this belief

unanswered questions that haunts me

Tears that bring me some relief

as they wash away your sadness, sadness

and grief

Burden of this belief

This journey has brought me to my knees

will you show me what it means to believe?

How can i let go, how can i faind peace?

Times of Grace-“The Burden Of Belief”

I love to hear if you have song that takes you back to a time in your life that you can relate to????