Took another big step today on my journey of healing and having a better understanding of domestic violence and working through it all.
I vowed I was done with abuse and been treated a particular way and with that comes attending living without violence program and having much needed support. Because with out I may slip back into old habits and I want to make the right choices from this point forward.
My triggers and emotions were high tonight, just listening and watching a video it really made me think about things and the disconnect I’m having with my son tonight and it’s very clear that I can’t fix him and I need to heal.
What I took away from tonight is a model that’s used called The Whare Tapa Wha if you think of a house it has walls, roof and a floor/ground, we look at ourselves as Wharenui/house. The ground represents Whenua, the walls represent Whanau and Tinana the roof represents Wairua and Hinengaro. At any point these weakened your Whare/house is comprised and your wellbeing.
Learnt the person who is doing the abuse has a cycle, the cycle of violence, abuse and control.
- Trigger situation
- Tension rising
- Escalating abuse
- Physical violence
- Regrets phase
- Hide the problem
Power and control wheel
This was my message i received tonight and it resonated with me and very fitting.