The nightmare I’m traped in

My advice to you is to find that spark and follow your dreams and your heart life is so short no matter how hard the journey may be

I had a doctors appointment and its super annoying when your in the hard basket, so four years ago my love hate relationship started with the doctors here in New Zealand yes we are lucky most of healthcare through the hospital is free and doctors and prescription costs are ok but there one big issue i have is we dont the relationship like we use to with our doctor we had that one family doctor knew everything and took the time with you now i feel like a number. I have gone through so many doctors because i will not just settle with a doctor who thinks googling my symptoms are ok, just loose weight, we give you some pain medications and you be fine, we just dont know what wrong with you, do some exercise.

Well i can tell you i had my tantrums, i had my tears and i defiantly had the thoughts of bugger this im done i cant keep doing this, but there is fire still burning and the push to keep going and fight for the right medical care and get more people to understand that some conditions are invisible and just that not easy to fix and can effect so much of someones life, im one voice and like me there is others speaking up and asking the same questions. Im on to my fifth doctor and i had to seek advocacy to get heard and things moving so i can least have some sort of normal life and a way to be able to manage my pain and conditions.  Im not asking for much just some compassion and some much needed answers to why my body acts this way and does the things it does.So to date which is four years and counting for me the doctors still have not been able to get my doses right for my thyroid im hypothyroidism so this effects my body in many ways weight, temperature and the way my organs function, i got told i had fibro and no specialist or someone telling me what this is and how do i manage it, gyno never follow up on my endometriosis and never take anything i say seriously, i have auto immune disease or disease and still have no idea what honestly the list is endless. The hard part for me how much this has effected my life and the mental toll it has one minute im healthy and watching my kids grow up going out with friends and road trips and life was good i had all this energy and then it was like i woke up in a nightmare and im trapped and im spinning around and im asking for help and no one can here me or help me and i dont know when the nightmare will stop.

So I got this wee spark left in me i will work again so ill use this time to heal me and learn crazy ways of dealing with this nightmare and hope that i will find my answers and i get that one doctor who is kind and compassionate and wont give up on me and to use this time to reach out to people, create my tool box to get me through the mental crap, and try some new things and upkill my skills to better myself as a support worker,watch my grandson grow and most of have some adventures and put me first.

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